Yet Another Myspace Survey
by ConfusedColumbia26220
Summary: NOT TOP EIGHT ONES EITHER! Funny - rated M for language and content of survey. R&R if you will!
1. Sweeney

**AN: Another one of those Myspace survey parody thingies! First chapter is Sweeney Todd!!!! Title is just Myspace Survey created by seibel3 pn bzoink.**

**Full Name:** Sweeney Todd

**Age:** 35

**Birth Place:** London, England

**Current Location:** Hell - a.k.a London, England.

**Description Hair Color:** Black with a white - not grey - white streak due to the stress of Australia.

**Eye Color:** Pitch black.

**Height:** Big enough to scare you.

**Weight:** I don't know.

**Tatoo's:** ?

**Piercings:** ?

**Friends **Ahahahahaha! Non-existant unless you mean my razors!!

**Best Girl Friend(s): **That would be Lucy - until the judge shipped me away to Australia and then she died!!!

**Best Guy Friend(s): **Definately NOT Judge fucking Turpin or his gay lover.

**Funniest: **I no longer have the ability to laugh. Unless someone dies - then that's hysterical!

**Craziest: **I think that old beggar woman is pretty crazy. Then again so is the rest of the world, so who am I to be pointing specific lowlifes out?

**Sexiest: ** I think you mean 'sexist'. No, I'm not but that's very common around here.

**Nicest: **If I've learned anything at all it's that no one in the world is nice.

**Smartest: **Mrs. Lovett is actually quite smart - I never would've thought of using pies to dispose of my victems! *You do notice the sarcasm, right?*

**Most Athletic: **?

**Most Recent: **Most recent what?

**Love Life ** Unfortunately non-existant.

**Single: **Sadly my wife poisoned herself after being raped.

**Boyfriend or Girlfriend: **DEAD!

**If so, who: **I feel no point in conversing with a retard.

**Do You Love Them: **Well, gee, they don't call it marriage for nothing!

**Favorite Things About Him/Her: **Again - I don't want to talk to you.

**Had Sex: **I'm a 35 year old man and your asking me if I've had sex? You're past retarded. You've now reached the infinitly stupid stage.

**Favorites Color: **Favorites color? That is terrible grammar. Red. The color of blood.

**Food: **I don't eat.

**Car: **What the bloody hell is a car?

**Drink: **Any hard alcohol that reunites me with Lucy for a short while.

**Football: **What?

**Movie: **And this is where I'd normally kill you - but your stupidity is actually amusing.

**Body Part on Opposite Sex: **Is that really a hard question to answer?

**This or That **Um - neither.

**Pepsi or Coke: **WTF?

**Ford or Chevy: **Um. . .

**Cars or Trucks: **Again - what the bloody fuck is a car?

**Arctic Cat or Polaris: **. . . is that a disease in Africa or something?

**Lienie's or Coor's: **Lienie's or Coor's what?

**Smoke or Chew: **I like smoked salmon if that's what you're asking.

**Who's the Last Person You Called: **I called Mrs. Lovett a fat ass bitch a couple hours ago - does that count?

**Person Who Called You: **Mrs. Lovett called me 'love' - I felt like bashing her head into the wall.

**Person You Texted: **?

**Person You Hugged: **I hug no one.

**Person You Kissed: **That was a long fucking time ago. Lucy. . . no - no wait. . . .I think it was Mrs. Lovett when I was drunk - but I SWEAR it was Lucy.

**Person You Touched: **The last member of this city's filth that I killed.

**Person You Cried To: **I do not know the meaning of crying.

**Person You Cried About: **If I knew what it were, probably Lucy.

**Person You Were With: **Mrs. Lovett - when I called her a fat ass bitch.

**Person Who Told You They Love You: **Mrs. Lovett has some fucked up idea that I'll forget about Lucy and love her - I fear for her sanity.

**Person You Fought: **I'd hardly call it fighting - but the last man I killed.

**Person You Fell In Love With: **The one and ONLY ONE Lucy.

**Have You Ever Been Drunk: **Do you not pay any attention to what I'm saying?

**Smoked: **Salmon.

**Took Drugs: **Mrs. Lovett made me take medical drugs when I was sick. I was numb for about a month.

**Been Beaten Up: **Yep - but that was another lifetime.

**Beat Someone Up: **I've done much, much worse than that.

**Played Strip Poker: **No, but with the word 'strip' it strikes my interest.

**Laughed So Hard You Cried: **Again, I only laugh at death. I still do not know the meaning of this 'cry' of which you speak.

**Been Dumped: **Off a ship. Sure.

**Dumped Someone: **Down the chute to the bake house.

**Been Used: **No - but I use Mrs. Lovett for her pie making skills.

**Been In Love: **Again - how much of this are you retaining?

**Been Hit On Someone Older Than You: **I'm not sure. Maybe Mrs. Lovett. I think she's - like - a million years older than me. Isn't that illegal? Sort of like a sixty year old raping a newborn?

**Made Out In A Car: **WHAT IS A CAR?!

**Been Walked In On While Changing: **Yes by that girly lookin' sailor named Anthony. I think he likes me - if so I'll kill him!

**Been In Trouble With The Police: **The police are evil creatures that are out to destroy the world.

**Broke Someone's Heart: **I think I've broken Mrs. Lovett's - which suits me just fine - I can't stand her hovering over me all the time.

**Had Your Heart Broken: **Must I spell it out? L-U-C-Y-exclamation point!


	2. Mrs Lovett

**AN: HERE'S MRS. LOVETT! Sorry I forgot about this story. *meep***

Basics What's that?

Full name: Eleanor Beefstick Lovett

B-day: 01/01/500 B.C

Grade: I've never been properly edumacated.

Hair Color: I can't tell anymore. I think it was auburn at one time.

Eye Color: I think they're brown. I don't know.

Heigth: Short.

Eye Color: You just asked me that question before I told you that I was short. I believe you suffer from severe memory loss. What were we talking about?

Favorites ^_^ What's up with that face?! I wanna kill it!

Drink: Yes please!

Sport: What?

Sport to Watch: Um. . .

Food: Get your fresh meat pies here! Especially you, Mr. Sweeney Todd, I've got a special blend waiting for you.

Store: Um. . .if by store you mean Market - I hate it. Especially when that transvestite Pirelli Penis Face hogged everyones attention at the market and attempted to blackmail my husband-to-be!

City: London is the only city I know.

Color: Black, like Sweeney's beautiful hair. With a grey streak.

Season: Of love. I couldn't resist love, I'm sorry.

Day of the Week: Not Sunday, it's very un-holy.

Band/Artist: I like no painters.

Song: What's that?

This and That :) WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

Burger King or McDonald's: What?

Coke or Pepsi: ?

Country or Metal: You're asking me to choose between an earthly hardened chemical and where people live? You make no sense to me whatsoever. Llama?

Rap or R&B: Um. . .why do you want me to choose between letters?

Romantic or Horndog: Um. . . .I'll shoot for the first one, since I have no clue what a whoredog is.

Love and All That Good Stuff ^_^ Ohhhhh - you're English too!

First Love: Benjamin/Sweeney Barker/Todd

How many ppl have you dated: I was married at one time.

First Time: First time what?

Currently in love: Very much so.

With Who: The gorgeous barber I take pictures of when he's sleeping.

Are You Single or Taken: A little bit of both. Let's just say when I'm asleep I'm 100% off-limits.

Have You ever cheated on anyone: I almost did on my husband, but he died, so technically it wasn't cheating.

Ever been cheated on: Oh, that wouldn't surprise me.

Would You ever cheat: ummmmmmmmm.. . . .what?

Longest Relationship: Me marriage to the abusive git Albert. He was a wifebeater.

Shortest Relationship: Me marriage to the wifebeater mentioned above.

Relationship u most regret: Me marriage to the wifebeater.

Interests & Hobbies Um. . .Sweeney?

Any Sports: What IS this 'sport' that you mention so often?

Thing that Relaxes u the Most: My fantasies of Sweeney and I down by the Seaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Things that Make stress go away: I'd like to say Sweeney, but honestly, he's the cause of all my stress.

Play an instrument: Um. . .sure, why not.

Favorite thing to do when your bored: Stalk Sweeney.

Randoms ^_^ There's that face again! I hate it! Go away!

Read Your horoscope: For one thing, I can't read. For another thing, what's a whoreoscope?

Actually Believe it: Believe what?

Favorite store: Again, I despise Markets. And Pirelli Penis Face

Genre of Music: What?

Hair: Sweeney's

Curly or Straight: Ummmmm. . . .I didn't know 'curly' was included in the list of sexual orientations.

Summer or Winter: Bloooblooblooo

Spring or Fall: blablabla

Lake or Beach: BY THE FUCKING SEA!

Ever gone skinny Dipping: I might, and make Sweeney do it with me. Oooooooooooooh double-meaning! Akward!

Ever Smoked: SALMON!

Drank: Oh, god. GIN! GINNY GIN GIN GINGERBREAD MAN!

Had a Hangover: Oh god, yes, and when I came out of it I was naked in Sweeney's barber chair. Wonder if he was drunk that night too.

Had a one night stand: I think. See above statement.

had a friends with benefits: WTF?

Dated two people at the same time: Um, no. Not really.

Done anything illegal: I'm pretty sure being a murders' accomplice is illegal. But you never know, maybe they changed the rules.

Ever snuck out: No, but I've snuck in.

Snuck around with someone you weren't suppose to be with: Ummmmmmmmm.......sure.

Lied to your parents: What parents. The only parents I knew died in a fire when I was a baby.

Believe in magic: Yeah, sure. The annoying hag that hangs around here all the time that is actually Lucy accuses me of being a witch and the Devil's wife, so yeah. Magic exists. I realize that made no sense but I am a very random person that doesn't realize half the things she means to think are actually spoken aloud. Then gets threatened by Sweeney and has no idea why while wondering why he doesn't admit his undying love to her but always does to his stupid razors.

Think you are good looking: I think Sweeney's good looking.

Been To a Different Continent: Sweeney has.

Most overused phrase: 'Love' 'Sweeney-Pie' 'Sweeney-Padoodle'

Worst thing that someone can say to you: Sweeney is actually gay.

Time you cried the most: When I realized Lucy was still alive.

Have a bedtime: I don't sleep. I have to make pies all night and cover up Sweeney's murders.

Last person you were on the phone with: What's a phone? What year are you from anyway? 2009 A.D?

Last person you talked to for over an hour: Myself, no one pays much attention to me, other than Toby, but I rarely pay much attention to him so it doesn't really matter.

Favorite Animal: KITTIES ARE CUTE!!!! I save as many as I can from Mrs. Mooney!

Any pets: Sweeney calls me his pet. I love it.

Are you a computer freak: I'm a freak, I'll give you that much.

Shy or outgoing: Both.

Do you like snapple: What's snapple? Is that another 21st century term I don't know about?

Own a cellphone: WHAT ARE THESE ITEMS OF WHICH YOU SPEAK?!

Are you a daydreamer: Yeah. I dream at night, too. Usually sexual dreams due to my lack of Sweeney sexification.

Do you think you lead guys on: I do my best to lead Sweeney on.

Do you cuss alot: Um. . . .what the bloody hell?

At a party, are you the wallflower, or out on the dancefloor: I never want to go to a party, not after Lucy went to the ball thing and got raped. Nope. Nope. Count me out.

Ever been in a fist fight: No, my version of fighting is to subtle to know that it's fighting until it's too late, it's a little thing I like to call arsenic.

Started a rumor: Only that Sweeney's former wife is deceased.

Had a rumor spread about u: Yeppers.

Dated someone older: I'm ancient, I don't think so.

Younger: Much.

Made out with someone you weren't dating: Nope. . .worse.

Made out with someone who had a bf/gf: I don't know, they didn't tell me anything, so I don't think so.

Any piercings: Any what?

How many: How many what?

Where: I live in London, if I must tell you again.

Given a lap dance: I'LL GIVE SWEENEY A LAP DANCE!!!!!!!!!


End file.
